


An Assassin and White claudia

by seraphim_grace



Category: Weiss Kreuz
Genre: Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-09
Updated: 2010-08-09
Packaged: 2017-10-11 00:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/106330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphim_grace/pseuds/seraphim_grace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A busman's holiday for the Side B team</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I know that name from somewhere

Title: A SideB Assassin and White Claudia 1? (probably 4)

Author: Seraphim Grace  
Archive: if you want it ask, I just like to know where they are. http/seraphim-grace. http/ Always appreciated and replied to.

Series: Weiss Kreuz  
Rating: PG13

Pairings: CrawfordxAya

Notes: I will get to go see Silent hill at the pictures, and this is the bribe. He thought I wouldn't do this and he'd get out of it. No. Snigger.

The main difference between Kryptonbrand and Kritiker was that they travelled everywhere except Japan instead of being localised to it. Aya hated the fact that they no longer stamped his passport because otherwise it would actually look interesting. Other than that it was life as normal. Ken was still Ken, Omi had been ably replaced by both Yuki and Michel who managed to be both his dark and light sides, Chloe might not have been Yohji but he still managed to channel sex constantly, but Free and Aya got on, probably because neither was given to long conversations and could happily share a pot of tea and read in their private corners of the sitting room.

Mihorogi had ably replaced Manx and used DVD's instead of VHS but other than that it was as if he had never left. Mihorogi might have sat and drank tea rather than smoking like a chimney as Manx had done but other than that London was just like home. Although, now he thought about it, Mihorogi didn't have that harried expression Manx had.

She pushed the drive for the DVD player in the mission room closed, after sending Yuki and Michel to bed because they wouldn't be able to join in as the mission was on a school night, It was the massive disadvantage of having underage members but even without them they still had four members.

KR didn't bother to hide his identity behind special effects, as there really was no point- he made a point of having a Sunday roast with his assassins whenever possible, but let Aya carve.

"London is currently awash with a new designer drug from Canada."

Chloe looked up from his fashion magazine for that information, "Canada?" he said, "Drugs from Canada, I thought that was just American prescriptions."

Mihorogi took a deep breath and drank some more of her tea. Her current outfit, at first glance, resembled a three piece suit if they were usually made of vinyl. Aya suspected that Mihorogi was more than just KR's secretary, and that perhaps they didn't really go riding.

"Yes, Chloe," KR continued, "drugs from Canada called White Claudia." He rolled his eyes on the screen, "so we are despatching the four of you to its source to eliminate the person we believe is manufacturing this, a Miss," he looked at the sheet of paper, "Dahlia Gillespie."

"Okie dokie," Ken said, he had in his time in London learnt the very worst of British slang. "So where are we geezers jetting off to."

"A small Canadian holiday town," Mihorogi answered, "because you've been so busy lately we thought we could send you for a fortnight, you could take advantage of the rest whilst scooping out the area and do away with Miss Gillespie on your way home. It has all the amenities, a theme park, a lake, a three star motel."

"A holiday?" Chloe asked, "you're sending us on a busman's holiday?"

Mihorogi shrugged in a creak of vinyl.

"We have tickets and transfers for you leaving tomorrow evening, if that's all gentlemen." She stood up, the vinyl creaked some more and her fishnets rustled attractively. Aya suspected her heels were considered a lethal weapon in several countries. "Enjoy your time in Silent Hill, and KR and I do expect souvenirs."

"Silent Hill?" Free said from the side, "you know that sounds familiar. I wonder why."

Aya phoned Crawford to cancel their dinner date for the next night, "Work," Crawford answered, "I Saw." Crawford's precognition had made him one of the most understanding boyfriends ever.

"Yeah, we're going to Canada for a fortnight." Aya leant back against the kitchen counter.

"It is where the monsters live." Crawford answered back. There was a long pause, "Rosenkreuz used to tell us that monsters were real and they lived in Canada." There was another long pause. "It was a threat that we behave or we'd get sent to Canada."

Aya could hear Schuldig in the background, "why would someone want to go to Canada? It's where the monsters live. I mean even Farfarello moved there."

"I was just telling Aya that," Crawford told him, "where in Canada are you going?"

"Some holiday town called Silent Hill, it's where the White Claudia is coming from." Aya answered, he knew Crawford wouldn't betray them and as all of Schwarz that remained were he and Schuldig they didn't really do much except white collar crime any more.

"That sounds familiar." Crawford said, "why? I've heard of it."

"That's what Free said," Aya answered him, "but he couldn't remember where."

"Schuldig," Crawford hollered across the room, "you heard of Silent Hill?"

"Yeah," Schuldig answered back, "but I can't think where from." Aya could hear him repeating it a few times in the back, "no, can't place it, that's going to bug me now. Maybe it was on a holiday show or something," he was quiet, "that must be it, Craig Doyle or Angela Rippon went there or something." He then picked up the other handset "and I want souvenirs, a mountie doll, because mounties are totally kick ass, they have to be to keep all the monsters in line."

Aya knew that in their shared apartment in Knightsbridge that Crawford was rolling his eyes. He recovered quickly, "if you're leaving tomorrow, meet me for dinner tonight, we'll do a show."

Aya thought about it, the alternative was watching Chloe pack, it was strangely fascinating because he managed to fit an entire rail of clothes into one medium sized suitcase, including three pairs of shoes. "Sure, I'll meet you at seven."

"Fine it's a date."

He passed Free in the hall on his way to the demonstration of wonders that was Chloe's packing, the true wonder was that the designer clothes he insisted on bringing never got ruined. He was still murmuring Silent Hill to himself under his breath trying to place it. "Apparently it was on Holiday." Aya told him, "apparently Craig Doyle went there for the skiing or something, or whatever you do in Canada."

Free nodded, "Date?" he asked.

Aya told him that he had a date yes, and his packing was done, and he would probably be back by midnight because they were travelling tomorrow. Free nodded and continued to where Ken and the chibis were already waiting on wooden chairs in Chloe's room for the spectacle that was his packing.

Virgin planes were spectacular. They planned for the long distance traveller. There was a bar and beds and tables. They laid their long haul flights out like their trains and favoured comfort over cramming in passengers like sardines, at least in first class. Aya liked travelling by Virgin, the problem was that they didn't fly into the nearest airport to Silent Hill, so he had arranged that they fly into New York, pick up a car from a friend, and drive to the town, being a two day road trip, he had even managed to factor this into Mihorogi's outline, pushing back their deadline with Miss Gillespie three whole days.

Free managed the whole drive without saying a word, chloe had the radio on some godawful local station that promised that it was going to be yet another foggy day in beautiful Silent Hill and Ken was watching movies on his ipod whilst Aya drove.

For a road trip it was bearable.


	2. Welcome to Silent Hill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: A SideB Assassin and White Claudia 2?

Title: A SideB Assassin and White Claudia 2?

Author: Seraphim Grace  
Archive: if you want it ask, I just like to know where they are. http/seraphim-grace. http/ Always appreciated and replied to.

Series: Weiss Kreuz  
Rating: PG13

Pairings: CrawfordxAya

Notes: They arrive in Silent Hill. Unbetaed (as a gift for a beta). There are no intended spoilers for the movie, the games yes, the movie, probably not, because the only thing I might steal that is exclusive is the janitor.

The car engine rolled to a stop about the same time that the crackling in their ear pieces started. Free took his out and batted it a few times with his fingers as Aya leaned forward in the drivers seat, because he didn't let anyone else drive, and peered out into the fog.

"I think we're there." Ken said hanging out of the window at the rear left of the car, Chloe insisted on sitting up front.

"What makes you say that?" Chloe drawled, "Because if we're going to break down I'd like to do it somewhere that I'm supposed to be."

Aya hned but otherwise said nothing.

"It's the big sign here," Ken continued, "that says "Welcome to Silent Hill, we've been expecting you."

"I suppose that's the kind of give away you need, Kenken." Chloe said almost sweetly.

"Dandy," Ken replied almost under his breath.

"Jock." Chloe answered.

Aya took a deep breath with the suspicion that it was the first of many, "we can walk from here, how far can it be?"

He popped the trunk as he stepped out into the fog. Chloe looked around with disdain, "take a trip in the sun, Mihorogi said, enjoy the lakeside beach, a chance for you to bake, Chloe, to work on that tan."

"With a tan," Ken said with a broad grin, "you'd look like a palomino horse."

Chloe sneered and murmured "dummkopf."

"Yeah," Ken answered, obviously not understanding the insult, "Well you're an idiot."

Aya took his second deep breath of five minutes, "I thought we agreed that you two would stop sniping at each other," he snarled. Then he took another deep breath and unclenched his fists. "Let's get our luggage out of the trunk and see if we can find the hotel."

"Aya," Ken said looking up at the sign, "why is there a minus sign on the population sign?"

Aya looked at the sign.

"That's not a minus sign, moron," Chloe answered, "that's a space for another digit." Ken frowned up at the sign but decided to take the instruction as Free squinted at it for a moment and then shrugged.

Each gathering up their hand-luggage and a few weapons that Aya had stowed under the backseat, it being a veritable arsenal rather than a cushion to which Free had nodded knowingly, perhaps because the hilt of Aya's katana had been directly underneath where he had been sitting.

Chloe lifted his Louis Vuitton overnight bag and squinted into the fog, "I think someone's there." He said, "hallo," he called out to the shadowy figure. "I think it's," he took a few steps forward to get a better look, "it looks like a teenager in a hooded sweater. Hallo!" He dropped the bag and ran forward to get directions. "Hallo."

Free rolled his eyes and picked it up with the his own more practical Samsonite case, that the warranty said could withstand earthquakes, plane disasters and in the event of a cruise ship sinking would lie forever on the bottom keeping his clothes dry for aquatic archeologists. It had successfully taken a bullet before.

"Hello," Chloe said closer to the figure now than before and leaning forward to better squint into the fog. "We've broken down." The figure moved back and then with a terrible retching sound coating Chloe in a steaming black goo. Chloe wiped it away from his eyes. "There was no need for that." He said calmly. The figure coughed up a second spray of vitriol all over Chloe's pristinely ironed shirt. "If you do that again," Chloe said reaching for the wooden plank with a rusty nail in it that was conveniently beside him, "you're going to regret it." It sprayed him again. "You asked for it." Chloe said, the monster coated him in yet more goo. Chloe hit it hard, the monster burped and sprayed again, Chloe hit it again and again. The figure hunched over so Chloe beat at it until it lay down.

"Chloe," Ken said, wrinkling his nose at the smell, "I think you've killed it."

The monster burped again. "This shirt was a handmade Zandra Rhodes," Chloe said kicking the monster, "these pants are Armani from the house itself in Milan," he kicked it again, "and these shoes were very expensive, you god damn unnatural freak of nature thing." The monster seemed to deflate in on itself.

Free tapped his ear. "The static's stopped." He said.

Aya rolled his eyes and carried on the trek into town.


	3. Aya, can I keep him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: A SideB Assassin and White Claudia 3/3

Title: A SideB Assassin and White Claudia 3/3

Author: Seraphim Grace  
Archive: if you want it ask, I just like to know where they are. http:/seraphim-grace. Always appreciated and replied to.

Series: Weiss Kreuz  
Rating: PG13

Pairings: CrawfordxAya

Notes: They arrive in Silent Hill. Unbetaed. There are no intended spoilers for the movie, the games yes, the movie, probably not, because the only thing I might steal that is exclusive is the janitor.

Chloe was forced to change his clothes in a nearby public convenience, a service that he made sound like the vilest torture, especially at the very concept that he might have to touch something in there. When he came out in a pair of Ferragamo carpet creepers he picked up the conveniently placed plank with a rusty nail and hit the monster one more time.

Aya just rolled his eyes. "Okay, if Chloe is finished corpse bashing we can split into teams and find Dahlia Gillespie and spend the rest of our holiday in somewhere warm, we have fifteen days of leave we haven't taken and we can take it elsewhere as long as we have that woman dead." The rest of them looked at him before nodding. "We'll split up into teams, Ken, go with Free and search the east part of the town, I'll take the fashion diva to the west."

Chloe looked horrified but looked at the veritable arsenal of weapons that Aya had stored under the back seat of the car, picking up a rotary action machine gun, like the one Blaine had in predator, he pointed himself to the town, "right, you vomit beasts with no neck and no sense of style, just bring it on." Aya just shook his head.

In London Crawford dialled Nagi's extension in the Kritiker building in Tokyo. Although the boy was officially grown up and no longer needed his care he still liked to check in with him to make sure that everything was all right, and whether he needed to remove Omi because he had hurt his boy. He looked at the calendar counting off the days until Aya got back from the town with the incredibly familiar name, he ran it around his head whilst the phone rang, Silent hill, he said to himself, why do I know that name?

He hadn't noticed the phone had stopped ringing until Nagi actually answered the question. "It's that place that Esset sent all those minions because they had raised a demon, none of them came back, why?"

"It's where Kryptonbrand sent Side B." Crawford thought for a whole moment about Aya's safety, after all he was rather fond of him.

"Looks like you're going to have to get another boyfriend, Crawfie," Schuldig said from across the room, "it's too late to warn them now."

Back in Silent Hill Ken was doing his best to creep behind Free because his reasoning was, despite being armed to the teeth with kalishnikovs and AK47 machine guns, that his weapon was more up close and personal to the things that lurked in this town than he really liked. At least when Aya went on holiday he knew the really important things to bring, like ammo and backup,

"Oh, look," he said coming out from behind Free in what appeared to be a rather good Michel impression. "It's a dog."

Free squinted into the fog but said nothing.

"Here boy," Ken said squatting and calling the dog over to him by patting his thighs and making strange noises.

Free wondered if Aya would hold out the usual threat to kill him if he lost Ken, or if the bickering on the drive had actually driven him to the point where he genuinely didn't care. Aya had known Ken as long as Free had known Chloe but the two of them on the drive had been rather distracting and he wasn't sure that he would actually miss him.

"here doggy, here boy." The dog loped out of the fog. It was the size and build of a Doberman pinscher but it had a wide open mouth with a wicked looking tongue and absolutely no hair on its body at all.

"Ken," Free said backing off slowly, "I don't think that dog's friendly."

"Nonsense," Ken said, rummaging around in his pockets to see if he had anything in there that he might use to bribe the creature, "it's just a puppy, a big lumbering bizarrely hairless puppy, and puppy doesn't want to hurt me, does it?"

The use of baby talk seemed to be the final straw for the bizarre hairless Doberman pinscher who lunged at him.

On the west side of town Chloe was already suffering symptoms of withdrawal from his top of the range mobile phone as there was absolutely no reception in the town. He was whining, but Aya was ignoring him stoically.

There was a church and Aya opened the door.

There was an old lady wearing a veil, "ping pong."Aya said looking at her, "are you Dahlia Gillespie?" he asked walking up the aisle to where she knelt in front of the altar.

"Yes," the woman said, "are you Harry Mason?" she asked, he shook his head. "James Sutherland?" he shook his head,

"Then you must be the assassins from England, you're early, I have a little something to do, and then I'm all yours. Would you like some tea, I have some lovely china earl grey and we might as well use the good stuff?"

"Oh yes please," Chloe said.

"Do you understand why we're here?" Aya asked as the woman went to the door behind the altar and pushed it open.

"Oh, certainly," Dahlia said, "you're here to kill me, which is fine, I knew you were coming, but you're early, I have another meeting a little later, so until then we can have some tea and some cookies and possibly some cake and then I'm all yours."

"I'd kill for a cup of tea." Chloe said following her into the kitchen presbytery.

"You're as mad as he is." Aya protested as he watched the immaculately dressed Chloe follow her into the kitchen, where he could hear the kettle switch on.

"Perhaps, dear, but I made my bed a long time ago, and the devil took it for a quick nap, now, let's enjoy a nice cup of tea, I'll see Mr Mason, and then you can kill me all you like." She took down three cups and a small tin which she opened, making the entire room smell sweetly of bergamot.

"Let me help you with that." Chloe said, taking the teapot from the shelf.

The door outside went, "you two just wait a moment, take your time with the tea, that'll be Mr Mason."

Free looked at Ken, rolling around the floor with the hairless doberman pinscher, it's pointed and barbed tongue lolling out of its mouth and Ken howling with laughter. "Free, can we keep it?" he asked.

Free gave a long suffering sigh and said "Aya's more of a cat person. He'll never let you keep it."

"But he's so friendly." Ken protested.

"No." Aya said walking up behind them, "come on, we can go home now."

"But." Ken protested.

"Free," Chloe said stepping out of the fog, "that dog is drooling all over your shoe and I bought you those so they're even tastefully."

The look that passed between him and Aya suggested a lot of long suffering, and the terrible prophecy that it wasn't going to end any time soon.


End file.
